


Maybe

by muffin_song



Category: Takarazuka Revue RPF
Genre: Gen, POV Second Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-24
Updated: 2011-12-24
Packaged: 2017-10-28 00:54:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/301954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/muffin_song/pseuds/muffin_song
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some drabbles from the fan perspective on the love of Takarazuka.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Maybe

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kirakira_sora](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kirakira_sora/gifts).



Maybe this is business as usual.

You’ve already seen this show five times, and you’ll see it five more before the end of the run (and that’s not counting the four tickets you’ve already bought for Tokyo, nor the inevitable extra tickets you’ll pick up from the club). The young girl taking your ticket at the theater door gives you a familiar nod.

Your view of the stage doesn’t change much, as your tickets tend to be the same two or three club seats. Sometimes you joke about switching tickets with the ladies who support your star’s classmate. They sit in the same row on the other side of the theater, and it _would_ be a change of perspective. But the truth is at the end of the day you enjoy sitting with your fellow fan club members. Some of them come from different walks of life than you: You’re a housewife or a salary woman, and they’re a student or an office lady. But you have one important thing in common with these women, and it allows you to spend countless mornings in coffee shops giggling over wonderfully minute details.

You rode the night bus from God knows where in order to be here today. Despite the many cups of coffee you’re still not sure how awake you are. But it doesn’t matter. Regardless of how wonderful or awful this play is, you’ve been here five times before and will be here countless more times in hopes that _she_ will just maybe look towards your section and catch your eye. In that moment, you forget how many times you’ve had to nervously make excuses to your co-workers about the fact that once again you won’t be making it to the company enkai. (And really, an enkai or an ochakai, is that even a choice?)

Your heart leaps and your breath catches when she enters the stage. Maybe she’s the top star. Maybe she’s on the star track and has managed to secure a solo of her own. Maybe she’s a supporting dancer. Maybe she’s so young that you can usually only find her in the big group scenes or the rockette. But if anything in this world is perfect… Maybe she’s not comparatively as skilled at dancing or singing or charisma, but that doesn’t matter. She makes a pose at the end of the number.

You don’t think you’ve seen anything more beautiful in your entire life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Maybe this is her shining moment. A shinjinkouen lead. Or an unexpected and absolutely brilliant piece of casting. Or a Bow hall show all of her own – her own! You couldn’t stop grinning like a loon for days after the announcement. That little thing you’ve admired ever since she was in Music School, and now she’s up there dancing in the center like her life depends on it. You think your heart will burst you’re so proud.

Or maybe this is a typical show, but she’s just so damn good at what she does that you’re smiling ear to ear despite yourself. It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve seen this ridiculous play, it’ll never be enough. Senshuraku hasn’t even happened yet and already you are giddy with excitement for the DVD release or SkyStage broadcast.

You’re always there, no matter what the show. But God, this is what you _live_ for.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Or maybe this is the last time. For all of its sequins, Takarazuka has lost much of its glamour in your eyes.

It started when she was passed over for a prominent role in a big-name show. You were disappointed, but still you persisted. You told yourself that your love for her is much more than games played by the company, and it’s true. You would watch her twenty times in every show for the rest of your life even if she was just a chorus member. Nothing will change the fact that her smile makes your heart stop. You make the best of what you have, and that’s enough.

But one shuugoubi, you came home to find that what you feared had finally occurred: There was a white envelope in your mailbox. You’ve spent so much time preparing yourself for this moment that the grief hits you less hard than you thought, and you only feel numb. You don’t know how to explain to your friends or co-workers why you’re walking around like someone just died.

Or maybe your girl is a top star with a long run of excellent shows under her belt. She’s getting up there in age, and people have been speculating for a while that she may be ready to take things a little slower. You can’t begrudge her that, and the truth is you knew this day would come – there’s a certain number of shows that most tops tend to have.

You knew you were on borrowed time.

That doesn’t make this any easier. You know you’ve been so, so lucky in what she’s been given – what _you’ve_ been given. But still your heart aches when she appears at the top of the stairs in her hakama. There is acute sadness, of course. But there’s also a sense of pride so fierce that it hurts.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Maybe you’ve loved and lost. Maybe her final show was a year ago, or ten. You still occasionally come to performances, for the nostalgia factor and to meet old friends more than anything else. You have enough distance now that you can keep the sense of loss (mostly) in the back of your mind, and can enjoy what’s in front of you.

And while you never thought it could happen (especially with this top and that director), this is actually a pretty good show. Despite some highly questionable decisions made by the company, things mostly turned out okay, one way or another. For all that you enjoyed the intensity of your fan club days, there’s something nice about distance.

And maybe…just maybe there’s a girl on the stage who catches your eye. She gives you a mischievous look, and you want to tell her, “Honey, I’ve already been through this once.” But even as those words go through your head, you wonder.

It would never be the same, of course. In your heart, nothing can replace your girl. But as the girl on stage takes her final bow, you wonder.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Or maybe this is the very first time. You were dragged here by a friend or a relative, or it’s part of your class field trip. Maybe you like whatever novel or movie the play is adapted from, and you finally decided to see what all those advertisements on the trains are about.

You’re taken aback at first by the heavy makeup they all wear. You don’t understand how women can fall for these actresses and their over the top interpretations of the ideal male. And if anyone said the lines from this play in real life, you’re positive you would get a toothache.

Still…they’re good at what they do. There’s one in particular who was really good, and you’ll have to look up her name in the program during intermission.

Whether you know it or not, you’ll be back again.


End file.
